I've discovered how you know for sure that you've never stuck with your workout routine long enough to see real results before. Here's how:
You're changing into your pajamas, and you glance in the full-length mirror, and your very first panicked thought is, "Oh my god, there's something wrong with my leg! What the hell is that on my leg?!"
And then it dawns on you. That -- my dear dumb darling -- is a muscle.
I wonder if there are more of them under there? The search continues.