Attention Residents / by Courtney Mehlhaff

Last year, just before St. Paddy's Day, I walked out of my apartment to find this sign taped to the building's main entrance. While I think it was a helpful warning, I'm not sure what disturbed me most:

1.  That the party was slated to last exactly 11.5 hours.

2.  That "St. Patrick's Day" was in quotes.

3.  The use of the word "probably."